May I Make A Suggestion? Get Up

A few days before Christmas, I fell down the stairs…twice. New socks, old carpet. Same old love story. It happened so fast that by the time I thought of grabbing the railing, I was already at the bottom of the stairs and on my ass. After a quick mind/body scan for injury, I hopped to my feet out of embarrassment and went on my way.

I did not suffer delayed pain or bruising and I prayed with gratitude for my good health. My good health…not my great health. My physical presence is not at peak performance. My skin isn’t glowing and I cannot run more than two miles without feeling discomfort in my body. I examine myself in the mirror and feel the body aches that they tell me come with age, but I am not resigned to the popular notion of growing old. I am saddened that I allowed myself to fall, but I know that disappointment may lead to depression so, I must quickly hop up and be on my way.

I know what it is to be filled with high power energy and to test my body’s ability to push and succeed. I used to wake up every morning and literally hop out of bed. Now, it’s quieter. I move with more purpose, but also with some whispering pains. Contrary to popular belief, I know that this is not a normal part of aging. This is inflammation which slows me down and has the potential to kill me. Inflammation means that my body is being subjected to some type of trauma or injury. It’s the food.

I recently started taking vitamins and drinking 1/2 my body weight in ounces of water (start there), but I am still dealing with fatigue. 2020 was exhausting. I went for a couple of runs in December and an old knee issue resurfaced. The vitamins are not going to fix my knee. Only food will do that. Food powers the body. The vitamins are a kickstart to get the nutrients in quickly so that I can clear my head and locate my vision. Instead of asking myself, “Why am I so tired?” I started asking myself, “What can I do to boost my energy?” The answers came in rapid fire and I dodged them all because I was living a lie. I thought that I was too nutritionally advanced to participate in dietary challenges and new year fasts because I was living in the memory of myself. Like people who lose a lot of weight and still see their former selves in the mirror, I was holding on to the Jo of two years ago who ate for optimal health. I was lying to myself and wondering why I didn’t feel well. And that is when I stopped falling and hit the ground. Rock bottom?

My diet is not poor. I say that often, but not poor in comparison to what? It is not poor in comparison to what it could be. This is how I have I rationalized inviting eggs back onto my plate, and some fatty salmon once a week, then a few caramel macchiatos. I stopped walking on my lunch break. My friend of fat around my middle, returned with luggage to inform that she’ll be staying a while. I started buying my son junk food because I wasn’t meal prepping and it was an excuse to taste what I shouldn’t have. A bite of pizza became a slice of pizza. Taking a few fries from his order turned into ordering fries for both of us. They’re vegan…Everything that I put in my body is a decision to feel amazing or not; a decision to live fully or operate at a deficiency. When I ate a plant based, whole foods diet, I believed that given a chance, I could train with the Wakanda army.

I had super-Jo strength, stamina and joy. As I sit here on my ass at the bottom of the conscious-eating staircase, I see the memory of myself way up yonder, moving heavy furniture, tilling the yard with hand tools and waking early on work days to run the trail before sunrise. Knowing what I have accomplished makes it easier to set expectations and goals, but I gotta crawl before I ball. The vitamins and water intake were the first moves to get up.

I am on day three of a twenty-one day fast. This is my second attempt, after ending a four day stint due to a dirty Grey Goose martini (no vermouth). It was an emergency. Someone could have been hurt.

I am conditioned to be ashamed and hypercritical when I backslide or discard my goals, but while I was falling from my ideal diet, I was rising in my meditation and stretching. I have learned patience and breath work. I know that it is healthier to look past the condition of my body and into the condition of my soul by bringing my awareness to the present moment and understanding that whatever I put my attention on, whatever I truly desire, is mine. I have been praying for peace lately. I can feel it moving up to my consciousness telling me how to avoid stress. The more that I pray, the greater my intent, the less that I judge myself, the easier the rise. I will chase my good health. I will climb the staircase with grace and forgiveness, and I will reach a new pinnacle. If I fall again, I know how to get up. There is the lesson.