May I Make A Suggestion? Dream Big.

How much pain do I want to carry? None. We do not dream big. We think that we do, but we limit ourselves at every turn. When I ask myself what I want in life, I come up with something vague, like "to be a messenger," or something unquestionable like, "right now, to be a good mother." But when I try to describe my wildest dream, I cannot pull the images together to form the story. There are flashes in my imagination of my bright smile, a powerful embrace and an occasion where I am wearing a bad-ass white suit. These visions were whispery and ethereal at the outset of of the big dream questioning. I am now learning to ask it without boundaries and the images are rapidly coming into focus. For so long, I have not asked it at all. I have been surviving on small goals that I confused with big dreams. Small goals that have me holding my jaw tight and carrying tension in my neck. My goals cause me stress, my dreams release me.

How do you find out what to dream? Try it all.

I registered for a Biology class this year, excited and full of spirit. I was quickly reminded that all science is rooted in math, and math is for nerds. My disadvantage was glaring, but I would not be swayed. I was ready to accept the challenge and face my math fear. Armed with sharpened, #2 pencils and college-ruled notebooks, I began poring over my son’s old math books. My determination was soon overrun by my disinterest. I don’t like math because I don’t care about it, but I was about to dive in to prove that I can do anything to accomplish the goal. The goal. In the midst of my math boredom, I took a minute to revisit the goal. Why did I register for a Biology class? Because I wanted to get a degree in nutritional science. Why? Because I wanted to tell people about the healing properties of food. Why? Because I wanted to share my story. Why? Because I want people to know that anything is possible.

That part. I want to share my story to let others know that anything is possible.

By asking myself, "Why?" I expanded the goal to reveal the dream. I did not change my diet because of a nutritional scientist. I was moved to change what I ate based on the testimonies of people who were living their best lives. I wanted to join their story-telling club, but I was on the verge of chasing a goal that had nothing to do with my dream. I was going to embark on a painful journey with numbers though I have always preferred words. It occurred to me to write about how food offers me the ability to run on the wind, to sit still with my thoughts, to choose kindness and the many other super powers that I am eager to share. I am my own clinical trial.

I went all around the bend, like Santiago, the shepherd to find that I have been working toward my dream all along the journey. I feel energized when I use words to help people find their power to collaborate, and to heal. All my life, I believed that I was just kinda weird, but no, this is my gift to give which provides my power in return. If something sparks my soul, I am going to feel around until I understand my relationship to it. There is no limitation to how much I will learn about myself if I keep asking, "Why?"